Useful Tips

Do you have charisma and how to develop it


Like beauty, good luck and social status, charisma can open many doors in life that are still closed to you. How to develop charisma?

1. Radiate confidence. Charisma is not the same as confidence, but it can make you more charismatic because your confidence will influence others and inspire faith in your abilities. If people see that you are a confident person, they will naturally want to be near you. How to be sure:

Be positive. Confident people tend to be positive because they love themselves and what they do. Do not start a conversation with criticism of other people, places or politicians. Instead, focus on the things you love and which you might be interested in reaching out to. If you talk about what you hate, then people will begin to fear that your negative energy will spread to them.

Speak confidently. This does not mean talking more, or louder than the rest. This means saying something important and making it convincing. Speak without straining and clearly. Change the timbre, rhythm and volume of the voice to emphasize the most important and keep your speech interesting. To learn to speak with confidence, you can record your voice, and after listening, make sure that your speech sounds confident.

To appear self-confident, you must first become so. Truly confident people love themselves and what they do and how they look. If you are not confident in yourself, then emphasize your strengths, fight your weaknesses, and pay attention to your appearance to show that how you look is important to you.

If you are working on your inner self-confidence, then making an impression of self-confidence on other people with the help of a confident voice, clothing style and gestures can take some time.

2. Demonstrate charisma through body language. Sign language can say a lot about how you feel about yourself and help others know about it. Improper body language can make you look shy or indecisive, so it’s very important that your gestures show that you are confident, passionate and active. How to do it:

A charismatic person stands straight and walks with a confident, decisive step. He enters a room with strangers with pride, ready to take advantage of new opportunities. He gesticulates with his hands, and does not cross them on his chest.

Watch your posture. Nothing conveys confidence better than good posture. Stand or sit straight, but not sternly. When you meet someone, firmly shake his hand and look directly in the eye. Demonstrate positive body language when you are talking to a person, or even when you are just around. Face the person or people you are talking to, do not cross your arms and legs, keep your hands away from your face. Be relaxed, do not fidget and do not show nervousness.

Control your gestures. When you say, does your body support you, or shows that you are nervous, are you indifferent or bored? If you are passionate about something, are your gestures reporting this?

Train with a mirror. Watch yourself in the mirror and give a speech or play a conversation. What do your eyes do? What about your hands? Do you look like a cunning politician or a charismatic person? Can someone understand what emotions you are trying to convey, even if they do not hear you? Exercise regularly and work on your mistakes.

Imitate the sign language of those with whom you are talking, so you can get closer in a non-verbal form. If a person is actively gesturing, you can do the same, if a person is restrained, then you should not get carried away with gestures.

Look in people's eyes while talking. Do not look down or look around. Attract attention not only with your voice, but also with your eyes. Do not look at the phone or watch, do not look around, as your interlocutor may understand that he is not interested in you.

Watch how other people are gesturing. Pay attention to the fact that some of the gestures of people look fake or do not match what they say. As a result, the eyes of these people run around or look inexplicably where. Other people use sign language very skillfully. These are, as a rule, more successful people in communication who seem more reliable and competent. This type includes successful actors, religious leaders, or scholars. Look for good and bad examples of using sign language. Learn them and learn from other examples.

Smile when you sincerely greet someone. Your smile says that you are glad to meet you.

3. Make people feel special. No matter who you talk to, you should always try to charm this person, and make him feel unique. In order to have true charisma, you must be able to talk with any person on any topic, and be a good and attentive listener. How to do it:

Be on par with the interlocutor. If you are talking with a potential employer, a group of wealthy sponsors, a child, a stranger, or an attractive guy or girl, do not consider them above you and do not put yourself above them. Respect other people, but respect them as equals, and expect them to perceive you as well.

Show interest in people's lives. But do not be curious when asking people questions about their personal lives, relationships or opinions on some issues. Make them feel that you value their thoughts.

Listen when others speak. Give them all your attention when they talk to you. According to nod or insert brief remarks, for example, “I understand”, or “Good” to guarantee the person that you are listening to him and are interested in what he says. A short touch on your shoulder can emphasize your agreement or empathy and help a person feel connected with you.

Learn and remember the names of people and address them by name. Then the probability that you remember the name of this person when you see him again will be higher.
Give compliments freely and sincerely, and kindly accept compliments.

Remember that being charismatic is not the same as being a pleasant person. Charismatic people do not care about what others think. They are simply charming and charismatic in themselves.

4. Be witty. A truly charismatic person should be able to make people laugh without much difficulty. People want people next to them who are interesting, joking and contribute to a good mood. You must be able to charm people with a sense of humor. How to do it:

Learn to laugh at yourself. If you learn to laugh at yourself, then people will be fascinated by your self-confidence and they will be more comfortable next to you. You should not make fun of your flaws so that people can make fun of them with you. This skill is a sign of true charisma.

Learn to joke among a large number of people. You must be able to adapt to the sense of humor of an individual or a group of people. If you are talking to a person with an obscene or abusive sense of humor, do not be afraid to comply with it. However, if you are among older and more sensitive people, then soften your humor and stick to harmless jokes. When you are with a new person, first behave modestly. You do not want to set a person against yourself with an inappropriate joke.

Don't try too hard to be funny. You do not have to joke every five seconds to be a witty person. A timely joke is remembered for a long time. Quality is more important than quantity, and focus on quality with just a few jokes during the conversation.

Learn to tease people. If you feel comfortable with someone and are already on your way to charm, you can learn to joke by teasing that person a little. This can bring you closer and show that you should not take everything too seriously. But first, make sure that the person will not be offended by your things.

5. Be interesting. To be truly charismatic, you must be able to not only impress, attract and listen to a group of people, but you must also be a keen person who always has something to tell others and what to interest. How to do it:

Be a versatile person. A truly charismatic person should be able to talk with different people about various topics. You must be well-read, read newspapers every day and have diverse interests, such as foreign languages ​​or contemporary art, so that you can discuss these topics.

You can talk about what surrounds us and know a little about politics, history, science and literature in order to adapt to any topic of conversation.
Think before you speak. Reduce the number of errors and parasitic words in your speech. Try to make each quantity meaningful, and think about what you are about to say before opening your mouth. If you have nothing to say, it’s better to be silent. This may seem surprising, but by saying less, you may seem more interesting.

Control your emotions. Studies have shown that charismatic people are more strict about their emotions and more attentive to the feelings of others. Do not be afraid to experience anger, pain, sadness or delight, and do not be afraid to express your emotions.

Express your emotions. People tend to hide thoughts and feelings from each other without any bad intentions, but an honest person who does not hide his feelings makes a positive impression. If you can communicate openly and can help people open up, you will be on your way to being attractive. Of course, there are exceptions, for example, do not say anything that makes people feel uncomfortable and makes you want to leave you.


Charisma is an art. The general principles given above can help you become more charismatic, but your charisma must come from within you and reflect you as a person, otherwise it will be unnatural. Fortunately, everyone has the opportunity to be charismatic, you only need to be able to achieve this. Train and work on yourself.

Be honest. People do not like those who suck on others and are afraid to honestly express their opinions. Charismatic people do not offend others; they honestly express their opinions, without forcing them to think badly of them.

Sign up for acting classes. Actors and charismatic people use the same methods to conquer the audience and evoke emotions.
Join a leading society to develop communication and leadership skills with those with similar interests.

Do not try to fake charisma. You can find out what charisma is, but trying to be that way without practice can make you appear like a strange and unreliable person.

Success requires more than charisma. If you do not have experience or devotion to what you are doing, you are most likely to fail.

How to check if you have charisma

On the Internet there are a lot of tests designed to determine whether a person has charisma, but many of them seem like complete nonsense. Questions like “Do you attract people?” Or “Do you think you could succeed in politics?” Are based on the self-conceit of a person, and not on an assessment of his emotionality.

We suggest taking the test Howard Friedman, a professor of psychology at the University of California. With it, you can test the subject for the quality of the "transmitter" - a person who knows how to translate their emotions and moods to other people.

So, here is an adapted test of 16 questions from Howard Friedman’s book “The Longevity Project”: sensational discoveries made on the basis of a study that lasted almost 100 years. ”

Below you will see 16 statements. Evaluate how much what is said in each of them characterizes you, and put from 1 point to 9 points opposite. 1 point - it does not look like you at all, and 9 points - the statement characterizes you very accurately. Write down the numbers of the answers, and then calculate the total score.

  1. When I listen to cool music, the body starts to sway automatically to the beat.
  2. I always try to dress fashionably.
  3. When I laugh, everyone in the district hears it.
  4. I always pay attention to details.
  5. When I talk on the phone, I express my feelings loudly and openly.
  6. I am always prepared.
  7. Friends often tell me about their problems and ask for advice.
  8. I use to-do lists.
  9. I try to work on something until I bring the result to perfection.
  10. People say that I would make a good actor.
  11. I make plans and follow them.
  12. Sometimes I forget to put food back in the refrigerator.
  13. I am very good at solving charades.
  14. People usually think that I'm younger than I really am.
  15. At parties, I am always in the thick of people.
  16. When I talk with close friends, I often touch them - hug, pat, put my hand on my shoulder or knee.

Count your scores for answers 1, 3, 5, 7, 10, 13, 15, 16. These are really important questions - the rest just complement the test to complicate the conscious selection of answers.

And now the results.

From 0 to 37 points. 25% of people score points in this range. Perhaps you are shy by nature or have become so through strict parenting. Or you just don’t like to draw attention and prefer to spend time alone.

From 38 to 49 points. Most people fall into this category. You can be successful in communication, but not at the expense of natural charm, but thanks to social skills and intelligence. You can also use non-verbal techniques, but you have to use them consciously, not instinctively, as more charismatic people do.

50 to 60 People with such points have natural magnetism. You are an extrovert and a born leader, although there are enemies in your environment as you stand out from the crowd. Sometimes you feel burdened by attention and responsibility for your followers.

From 61 to 72. You are one of the 5% of the lucky ones who scored such a high score. You are one of those people in whose presence the room becomes brighter. You can emotionally charge other people and at the same time feel what they are experiencing.

The emotions of people with high scores are transmitted instinctively, even without the help of speech. This is confirmed by the experiment of the same doctor Friedman.

After creating another test, in content similar to the above, but consisting of 30 questions, Friedman conducted an experiment on the transmission of emotions by more and less charismatic people.

The scientist selected several dozen people who received high scores as a result of the test, and several people with the lowest scores. Then he asked all participants to fill out a questionnaire that determines their feelings at the moment: joy, sadness, sadness, anxiety.

After that, Friedman placed participants with high scores in separate rooms and brought them together with two participants with low scores. Participants simply sat together for 2 minutes, could not talk or even look at each other.

In just 2 minutes, without a single word, people with low scores adopted the mood of the participants with high results.

This is a high emotional expressiveness that helps people infect others with their ideas and moods, even without words. However, this is not all that is considered to be signs of charisma. Even if this is one of the strongest components, there are at least five more signs of a charismatic person.

5 signs of charisma

Emotional sensitivity

Charismatic people can not only infect with their emotions, but also subtly feel the initial emotional mood of other people, as well as build interaction based on this attitude. They quickly establish emotional contact with people, so that the other person soon begins to feel “the only person in the room,” but who is not pleased to be like that?

Emotional control

Charismatic people know how to control their emotions. The emotional state becomes their tool, they use it for their own purposes, from which, however, their emotions do not lose sincerity.

Ability to Express Your Thoughts

Almost all charismatic people are good speakers, so they influence their interlocutors not only with the help of emotions, but also with the help of words.

Social sensitivity

Charismatic people have a subtle sense of social interaction, are able to listen and be on the same wavelength with their interlocutors. Therefore, such people are almost always tactful and attentive to their surroundings.

Self-control in communication

This is an important skill of charismatic people, which allows them to maintain composure and grace in communicating with any audience. They can establish emotional contact with any population.

So, up to this point, we talked about people who are charismatic by nature. But what if your charisma is at an average or low level? Is it possible to become more charismatic?

Принципы харизматичного человека

  1. Действовать уверенно.
  2. Постоянно развиваться как личность.
  3. Повышать навыки общения.
  4. Изучать психологию влияния на человека.
  5. Познавать себя.

Вас сложно назвать харизматичным? Ситуацию можно изменить. Но на это могут уйти месяцы и даже годы. That is why there are only a few such people and humanity admires them. However, you can learn to influence the immediate environment - it will take much less time.

Charisma Elements

Charisma is a combination of complex and intricate social and emotional skills. It allows people to influence others at a deep emotional level, communicate effectively with them and create strong interpersonal relationships.

Charisma consists of several elements:

Emotional expressiveness. Charismatic people express their feelings spontaneously and sincerely. This allows them to influence the mood and emotions of others. We all know charismatic people who seem to “light up a room” when they enter it.

Emotional sensitivity. This is the ability to read other people's emotions, allowing a charismatic person to create an emotional connection. It was said about Bill Clinton that he "makes a person feel that you are the only person in the room."

Emotional control. Truly charismatic people have the ability to control and regulate their emotional manifestations. They do not lose face and always feel when they are at the limit, competently dissipating stress. They are good emotional actors who can turn on charm when needed.

Social expressiveness. This is verbal communication and the ability to attract others to social interaction. Charismatic people are experienced interlocutors who know how to entertain. They certainly influence us with their emotional expressiveness, but their words also have power. Almost all charismatics are effective public speakers.

Social sensitivity. This is the ability to read and interpret social situations, to be able to listen to others, to be in harmony with them, and to be “here and now”. A charismatic person is considerate and sensitive to his surroundings.

Social control. This is a complex social role-playing skill, which is especially important for managers. This is evident from the fact that outstanding leaders (and everyday “charismatics") serve themselves with poise and grace. This allows them to fit into all kinds of situations and create those emotional and social bonds that distinguish them from those of us who have it to a lesser extent.

These six building blocks must be strong enough. The lack of one is unlikely to compensate for the excess of the other. For example, if you are emotionally expressive during a conversation, but you are not able to establish social control, it is difficult to influence a person and cause him to believe in you.

How to develop charisma

We have already mentioned that charisma develops from within and without. Of course, the most important thing is that it comes from the soul, from character. But social factors, the so-called social intelligence coefficient, were also mentioned. If you really are a strong, charismatic, confident person, this does not mean that you will be perceived in this way. It is important to demonstrate this using external means.

Be aware

According to a person, you can immediately say when he is in his thoughts or confused and when he is in a conscious state.

When we reach maturity, we are often in a state of partial attention. We do not fully pay attention to the interlocutor, our child, body language, to the world around us.

To begin to develop charisma, you need to learn to stay in a conscious state most of the time.

There are many practices that can help with this. One of them is to focus on your breathing. Wherever you are, feel the air penetrate your nose and filter through your lungs. Now listen to the sensations when you exhale. When the last particle of air leaves the lungs, pay attention to the sensations of muscle relaxation, right down to the fingers and toes.

The second practice is eye contact with the interlocutor. Often we think that we are looking at the interlocutor, but in fact we are peering at the “common eye area”. Take a few seconds to look into the interlocutor’s eyes. What color are they? Are they dark brown or green brown? Of course, you should not take the situation to extremes, otherwise it will look creepy. But a warm, friendly eye contact allows a person to understand that you are present here and now and are interested in what he says.

In many cases, your body language shows an obvious lack of interest. For example, the shoulders can be turned in the other direction. This instantly makes it clear to the interlocutor that you are not involved in the conversation. Therefore, turn to him with your body and face, look in your eyes and listen.

If you do not really understand what a conscious state means, then be vigilant and observant. Study the situation in the room, all the interlocutors, your own and their body language. This alone will benefit you.

We develop charisma

Before you infect ideas and emotions, you need to catch fire on them yourself

It is impossible to infect other people with something that you yourself are not sure about. Therefore, before you infect others with emotions and instill confidence in them, you yourself need to learn how to experience all this.

Stop repressing your emotions. If something pleases you - laugh heartily, not trying to suppress a giggle, but if it is upsetting - do not make an indifferent face, experience the emotion in full.

Of course, not all emotions should be thrown out to the interlocutors, this is fraught with eccentricity, and this will not add to your popularity.

All people want to be courageous and positive, not to doubt themselves and their strengths. If you experience these emotions and radiate positive and self-confidence openly, it will be transmitted to people around you.

Correct body language

The position of the body during the conversation, the actions of the hands, facial expressions - all this greatly affects the perception of you by other people. Even if the interlocutor’s consciousness does not mark your nervousness and uncertainty, the subconscious mind will certainly tell him whether it is worth communicating with you or not.

Fortunately, body language acts in the opposite direction: if you take a more relaxed posture, you begin to feel more relaxed, if you smile, your soul becomes a little lighter.

So keep an eye on the position and behavior of your body: do not slouch, even during the most intense conversation, do not tug at things in your hands or wrinkle your fingers, try to smile more often and not take closed poses.

Respect the interlocutor and listen to him

If the transfer of emotional state is not so easy to establish, then learning social sensitivity is much easier. All that needs to be done is to stop considering yourself the most important person in the world and pay attention to the person you are talking to.

Listening to other people is a real art. If you listen to another person and are interested in him, he begins to feel special. I think it’s not worth explaining how cool it is to feel.

And what do you think, is it possible to develop charisma or is it an innate gift, without which there is nothing to be done?

The concept of charisma

The concept of charisma originated in ancient Greece and means "the gift of God." The ancestors of this word became the goddess Harita. They had the ability to move gracefully and gracefully and were distinguished by magnificent beauty. Charisma is the ability to attract people to oneself, the ability to lead and impose one’s value system on others. Charisma is an inexhaustible resource of vital energy that helps a person to improve himself.

A charismatic person achieves his goals much faster by controlling the subconscious of members of society. As mentioned above, charisma is a gift of leadership.

4 qualities of a charismatic personality

Undoubtedly, the main feature of charismatic personalities is the presence of oratorical abilities. They are fluent in the word, which is the main instrument of power over people. Through oratory, the leader achieves the realization of his own ideas. Charisma is an individual feature. That is why it is difficult to develop charisma throughout life. A person is either awarded this gift from birth, or (almost) does not have it.

Charismatic Dominance

There are three types of domination:

  • rational
  • traditional
  • charismatic.

Charismatic domination is the legitimacy of power based on the authority of the gift of leadership. Representatives of this type of society are prophets, demagogues, generals, heroes. This type of domination is sharply opposed to rational and traditional. It is irrational because it rejects existing rules.

A charismatic society does not recognize the authority of the past and is revolutionary in specifics. The legitimacy of power is directly dependent on the authority of the leader. This type periodically requires evidence and confirmation. Pure charisma basically contains altruistic traits and disinterestedness in actions. Hence the conclusion: charisma is the revolutionary force of world progress.

Charismatic personalities are both the center of concentration of world energy and its source. The specifics are as follows: people with charisma need to be constantly prepared for contact with the public, which should be of the highest quality and reproductive. Huge energy costs are offset by the energy turnover of the planet.

Charisma is indeed a gift to man from above, but at the same time a serious test of the strength of spirit and will of man. It was to the lot of charismatic personalities that the opportunity to change the course of history fell.

Be optimistic

Pay attention to the real charismatic leaders - they never lose heart. Even in the most difficult situations, they maintain good spirits and self-confidence.

How to learn this? How to develop charisma?

Just get used to looking for the good in any situation. Over time, this will become a habit.

Create your image

A charismatic person, as a rule, has a certain attribute that is associated with his personality. Example: a pipe and Stalin’s military jacket.

By the way, an attribute may not necessarily be an object. This may be another feature, for example, high growth (Charles de Gaulle, Boris Yeltsin).

Try experimenting with your image and find the one that suits you best. A sign that this is exactly your image is what is comfortable for you in it.

Keep pauses in speech

Confused, nervous speech is a sign of uncertainty. And, on the contrary, a leisurely, as if mesmerizing manner of speaking, has a disposition towards itself, creates a halo of mystery around the speaker.

Such a person does not even speak, but rather proclaims his will. You can develop a leisurely style of speech if you accustom yourself at least before answering a question, mentally count to five, and only then voice your opinion.

Speak short and clearly

Another tip regarding speech. A distinctive feature of the speech of a charismatic person is the ability to clearly and concisely formulate his thoughts. It is always captivating.

Listen to the speech of others: in 90% of cases it is meaningless chatter, filled with, moreover, parasitic words (this is when an inappropriate word, for example, the word “as it were”, slips through almost two or three words).

Therefore, a person who knows how to speak beautifully always wins. To improve your speech, read more good literature, replenish your vocabulary and do not hesitate to use the aphorisms of great people to your place.

Don't make excuses

A charismatic person will never make excuses, because justification is a position of submission. If, however, he is “driven into a corner”, then the charismatic person turns the situation around so much that the opponent himself is forced to explain his words and behavior!

To develop this skill, at first it’s not necessary to “attack” an opponent: all the time you need to shift the focus of criticism of your opponent from your personality to a problem that needs to be resolved (and focus on resolving it) and, if possible, try to use humor to defuse it.

By the way, a developed sense of humor is also one of the signs of a charismatic personality.

Recognize your weaknesses

A person with charisma should not be an ideal. On the contrary, on his part it is even desirable to demonstrate some of his weaknesses, but not character weaknesses, but human weaknesses.

For example, Vladimir Zhirinovsky was forgiven both swearing and daring tricks in television studios during the debate: they say what to do, such a person,

Therefore, if someone blames you for your shortcomings, openly acknowledge them, but speak with pride about them, as if you were talking about unusual advantages!

Develop spontaneous behavior

The last (and very important) feature of a charismatic leader is spontaneous behavior.

He always knows what to say. He does not hesitate to take the initiative where necessary. It behaves in accordance with the current situation, and not according to "patterns."

In our strictly regulated society, learning to spontaneous behavior is not easy. Take the habit of exhibiting unusual behavior in standard situations - first at least in the details.

If a beggar approached you with an outstretched hand, do not rush to share a trifle, but ask why he came specifically to you? When asked what time it is, name a time that clearly does not correspond to a given period of the day.

In a word, expand the framework of habitual, “standardized” behavior, of course, acting within the framework of the law.

In conclusion, we note that even if you do not become famous and famous, but develop at least some of the proposed skills, then this already can significantly change your life for the better.

Always pay attention to how you talk

The fact is that ordinary people do not think about what they say at all. They pronounce template phrases, do not understand how a particular word will be reflected in the interlocutor.

Therefore, always spend a few moments thinking about what to say. It's simple: charismatic people use strong, thoughtful words. They build proposals based on what impact they will have on the interlocutor. Remember the beginning of The Godfather, when every word of Marlon Brando made the heart skip a beat both in the characters and the audience.

Remember the name of the person you are talking to. This is not only a psychologically correct move, it still refers us to the first advice on awareness. When you try to remember a name, you automatically exit unconscious mode and turn on alertness.

And one more thing: always introduce yourself first. Do not wait until you are introduced or found through the eyes.

Pay attention to body language

Whether you like it or not, people unconsciously read body movements and facial expressions when you approach or communicate with them.

This means that if you are sincerely happy and optimistic, show it with your body language. Charismatic people pass on their mood to others. But if the mood is bad, hide the extreme manifestations. You do not need to suppress this in yourself, but at least it is worth not spoiling the mood of others.

The so-called strong postures demonstrate that you are confident and ready to lead people. It really works, although it’s hard to force yourself to enter a new state.

This is the next paragraph.

Learn to introduce yourself to new states

What does an ordinary person do when he is ill? He aches, gets annoyed, and feels an irresistible desire to spoil the mood of others. What does an ordinary person do when failure happens to him? He blames others to drown out the pain.

A charismatic person knows how to deliberately introduce himself into new states. This means that if now need to to be confident in himself, and he is completely defeated, then in a few minutes he will cause the necessary mood in himself by effort of will.

If his mood is spoiled, but now he needs to radiate optimism, he will change his state. Charismatic people know how to work with internal states. They know how to "wind up": they know the tricks that allow you to feel exactly what is needed now. While ordinary people believe that they have every right to be offended and react as they see fit.

Psychologists disagree: some say that you can’t change your state, others advise you to immediately leave the negative. We support the second opinion and believe that being in a depressed state of mind is a habit. And you need to make conscious efforts to get out of it.

Suppose you were annoyed in the morning by relatives, offended on the way to work, and the head of the skating rink rode in the office. Your mood is lower than the baseboard and it will improve only if the salary comes, a colleague laughs or an inspirational film affects. That is, you do not conduct any work with your state. Your merit in improving your mood is not. And that means that there is no personality growth.

Tony Robbins is a master of changing fortunes. Read his books, watch YouTube seminars, and see how he does it with other people. This will help you look at yourself from a completely different perspective. If you feel unwell, you are not required to remain in this state for long. It can be changed in a few minutes. Life is too short to spend it on a bad mood.

Харизматичные люди, как уже было сказано, умеют работать с состояниями. Поэтому они становятся лидерами: они будут сильными даже во время сложнейших периодов, потому что исключили безволие. Научитесь это делать и вы.

Развивайте ассертивность

Как обычный человек реагирует на ситуацию, когда его права были ущемлены? Он становится агрессивным и раздражительным. After several unsuccessful attempts, passivity and acquired helplessness develop in it. In communication, as in other areas of life, the golden mean is important. And it is called assertiveness.

Assertiveness is a person’s ability not to depend on external influences and evaluations, independently regulate their own behavior and be responsible for it. In simple words, an assertive person is one whose behavior is in the middle ground between passivity and aggression, of two extremes in dealing with people. The charismatic possesses it perfectly.

Remember that you have the right to:

  • Express feelings.
  • Express opinions and beliefs.
  • Say yes or no.
  • To ask for something.
  • Make a mistake.
  • Set priorities.
  • Set boundaries.

But it is also important to understand that the other person has the same rights. By the way, assertiveness itself is sometimes misinterpreted: many people think that the belief “I have the right not to apologize and not explain my behavior” is true. In our opinion, this is a parasitic belief that can be perceived incorrectly, which means that more often than not it will be perceived. One person, having insulted another, will not apologize and will consider himself assertive. While the other does not apologize to the boor and this will also be correct. As you can see, this is a very complex topic and a person striving to become charismatic should see that border that cannot be crossed.

Learn to listen and respect the person you are talking to.

A true charismatic leader is by no means the one who speaks convincingly. This is not enough. You must still be able to listen.

Respect is manifested in an attempt to understand the opposite point of view. You may not agree with her, but listen to her.

Also follow two simple rules. Rule one: think for two seconds before answering. When listening, do not try to figure out how you will react to what has been said - in this case, you stop noticing the essence of the words of the interlocutor.

Rule two: during the interlocutor’s story, do not look for examples from your own life. Suppose if a person talks about his dog, you should not think about your dog in order to talk about it. Think about how to develop the topic, what questions should be asked so that the person shares his story further.

Ask questions

To an ordinary person, everything is always clear: he understands politics, economics and space flights. A charismatic person knows that he knows nothing. Therefore asks questions.

We are afraid to ask questions because we do not want to seem stupid and ignorant. And thus we live days, months and years without learning anything. But the more questions, the more new answers and points of view.

Ask open-ended questions that require detailed answers. It is especially important that they relate to the current topic. Trust and respect are shown precisely in situations when you are sincerely interested in the opinion of the interlocutor.

Be humble

It would be a mistake to think that charismatic people are self-confident and all-knowing. No, they are rather modest and ready to accept both criticism and praise.

If you have been praised, do not bully your nose too much, but do not throw the compliment back like hot potatoes. Thank and say that other people have helped you.

As already mentioned at the beginning of the article, the formation of charisma is a very long way. Therefore, you need to nourish yourself with knowledge from a wide variety of literature, so as not to give up. Here are the books to get you started.

  • "Wake up the giant in yourself" Anthony Robbins.
  • A Book of Self-Power by Anthony Robbins.
  • “Giant Steps to Big Change,” Anthony Robbins.
  • “Lead the people behind you” David Novak.
  • "Charisma. The Art of Successful Communication »Allan Pease, Barbara Pease.
  • “The Conquest of the South Pole. Race of Leaders »Roland Huntford.
  • “Turn on the charm according to the methods of special services” Jack Schafer.

And a short video about the development of charisma at the end: